At a Jewish funeral, you might hear the prayer, “May she (or he) be a melitz yosher for her family.”

Literally, melitz yosher means “ambassador of righteousness,” but in colloquial English it means, “spiritual intercessor.” A spiritual intercessor is someone who prays on behalf of another person.

There are many different ways to pray on behalf of another person. You can challenge God’s decisions, you can ask for mercy and gentleness, you can pray about a situation and then come to a decision about how to help someone.

Hebrew Bible shows us all of these possibilities.

Abraham challenges God’s decision to destroy the city of Sodom. He gets God to agree to save it if ten righteous people can be found.

Moses asks for mercy. After the people build the Golden Calf, he acknowledges their sin, but tells God what kinds of consequences are too harsh for people to bear.

Queen Esther fasts and prays about the situation facing her people. After three days, she makes a decision to intercede politically on their behalf.

Each of these Biblical heroes is a melitz yosher, a spiritual intercessor.

Since Biblical times, the concept of a melitz yosher has evolved. And it is this new, more modern concept that is invoked when we ask that a deceased person serve as a melitz yosher.

Midrash teaches that our ancestral mother Rachel understood the pain of living in exile. She was buried hastily on the road to Efrat, away from any family home. When she sees her children living in exile, she feels their pain. She cries for them, with an immediate, genuine anguish. She brings her tears to God. When she stands before God, embodying the pain of others, God cannot help but be moved. Rachel is a melitz yosher, someone viscerally connected with the prayers she brings forward.

The Ba’al Shem Tov, an accomplished melitz yosher, teaches that each time we focus on the good qualities of others, we elevate the world. When we love another person, we may be well aware of their faults, but we hold dear their strengths and their blessings. When he would ascend to heaven and pray for others, he would present only the most positive portrait of the person in need. And God would be moved by the love expressed. The Baal Shem Tov was a melitz yosher, activating God’s love on behalf of others.

These teachings about melitz yosher are all offered in the form of legends and teaching stories. Literally, we do not know what it means to say that “God judges,” and we do not know what it means to change God’s judgment. But we do know that love, yearning, and relationship repair continue after the death of someone important to us.

When we ask that a relative whose life was bound up with ours serve as a melitz yosher, we ask that they stay viscerally connected to us, activating God’s love within us, helping us grow and heal for as long as we live.

When you pray for someone else, consider this model. Cultivate empathy, focus lovingly on the good, and recognize their powers of self-healing.

Written in 2009, but posted today, as it is very much on my mind.

Image: Berget Stadem by Bart Lindstrom.