Jewish tradition offers simple, practical protocols for clearing ourselves at the beginning of the New Year.
The philosopher Rambam offers an elegant protocol for repairing broken threads between people. It begins with a seemingly simple first step: Become aware of what you have done wrong. And I’m certainly aware of having dropped a number of important details due to illness.
But what of things I’m not aware of?
What of the things I need to know about myself so I can clear them away and live differently?
An anonymous medieval poet suggests: Ask God to search our hearts, know our secrets, and reveal our depths.
At every moment of the day, I am praying for this. In fact, it seems I am praying for this every moment of the night, too.
Last night I had three dreams about the unknown. Three dreams, raising three big questions.
What lies just beneath my awareness?
#1. I am walking into a tunnel. At the far end of the tunnel are many snakes. I think of them as pythons, snakes that could squeeze me to death. But they are rather short snakes. They look more like familiar diamondback rattlers, or grey-toned copperheads, snakes that might bite me and make me a little bit sick. I ask my husband to remind me how to get away from them. He says I have to back away using a sashaying sidestep. Several times I enter the tunnel, several times snakes slither towards me, several times I sashay away. I do not get through the tunnel.
Can I find the unmarked road?
#2. My husband and I are walking on a wide, open wetland. It’s a broad, grassy area, with deep marshy puddles welling up. On either side, cars rush along a highway. I recognize exactly where I am, in Queens, near my childhood home. We are sure there is a walking path through the wetland. But every time we look for it, we cannot find it.
Can I trust the One who is in the driver’s seat?
#3. I am visiting a big crowded city in India. I am a tourist. This city allows no motorized vehicles. Everyone travels in horse-drawn carriages or carts. I am riding in a carriage, going down a very steep hill, along a very narrow lane. A carriage going up passes us, with barely an inch to spare between us. The carriages are driven by observant Sikhs, wearing turbans.
Deep questions, as I set out on the road to the year ahead: What lies just beneath my awareness? Can I find the unmarked road? Can I trust the One who is in the driver’s seat?
God, I am praying for the ability to trust you, because, as our sages tell us, You know the mysteries of the universe, and the subtle secrets of every living thing.
Image: tidechaser.blogspot.com
See also: For My Sins, A to Z
