Shmirat Halashon: Observing your speech. Guarding it. Holding it precious.

A beautiful practice for the month of Elul. A month of self-examination and self-improvement.

Our Elul study group began at the beginning.

Only the beginning was not so easy.

We read Page One of the book Chofetz Chaim: A Lesson a Day. The left side of the page teaches rules, guidelines, and practices. The right side hints at philosophical and spiritual rewards.

Our first guideline was a definition: lashon hara, evil talk, is sharing information that is derogatory or potentially harmful to another individual.

Lashon hara is either derogatory or potentially harmful.

Thus, a derogatory statement is lashon hara even if it isn’t harmful. A positive statement can also be lashon hara if it is potentially harmful.

Our heads spun. How could we possibly assess all the potential harm even of our positive, encouraging, complimentary speech?

The first guideline is not really about categorizing statements. Really, it is a call to awareness. Before you speak, think. Think about the person you are addressing. How will they respond? Think about the person you are discussing. What is their situation? Think about yourself. What is your motive? Is it beneficial?  How else might you achieve it?

We had hoped for a clear guideline and a simple starting point. Instead, we received a mandate for a lifelong spiritual process of observing self and others.

The task seemed enormous.

So we looked to the right side of the page for spiritual inspiration.

We read: By performing a given mitzvah through a given organ, a spiritual light comes to rest upon the corresponding component of the soul; it is from this light that this component draws eternal vitality.

We asked: What part of the soul corresponds to the speaking mouth?

We answered: The heart.

We express our emotions through speech. We speak badly when our emotions overcome our speech. When we must express negative emotions, we want to do it thoughtfully and productively.

Speech is a tangible manifestation of our thoughts and feelings. If we speak more kindly, we may learn to think more kindly. If we express ourselves with more clarity, we may learn to feel with more clarity.

My own experience confirms this.

It’s natural for me to be hyper-aware of people’s quirks. If I simply form judgments about them, I can become irritated. It’s not easy to live with my own agitation.

But I can also put my awareness to use, finding unique ways to speak kindly to each person. Awareness then becomes a means to a positive end. My negativity dissipates. I can appreciate and enjoy the diverse, quirky uniqueness that I share with my fellow human beings.

***

Image: newmamaswagger.com

Book: Rabbi Shimon Finkelman and Rabbi Yitzchak Berkowitz, Chofetz Chaim: A Lesson A Day (New York: Mesorah, 1995).

Thanks to our group of 6 who met at Or Shalom Synagogue today. Join us Thursdays Sept 13 and 20 at 12:00 noon.