Jacob has a secret spiritual name. It’s Shemesh, sun. But Joseph figures it out.

Allusions to the sun frame the story of Jacob’s adult relationship with his brother Esau. As Jacob travels west, away from his brother, ba hashemesh. That’s a common idiom for sunset. But, literally, it means, “the sun arrives.” Twenty years later, Jacob travels back east. When he wrestles with a stranger and feels ready to meet Esau again, vayizrach lo hashemesh. Sunrise. But, literally, “the sun itself shines.”

Years pass, and Jacob’s son Joseph becomes a dreamer. One night, Joseph dreams that sun, moon, and stars bow down to him. He tells his family the dream, but they do not like it. They are sure Joseph wants to lord it over them. That the bowing sun represents Jacob, the moon Rachel, and the stars his brothers. So, Jacob rebukes Joseph for sharing such a disrespectful dream. Meanwhile, Jacob “he guards the matter.”

Midrash Genesis Rabbah notices this odd phrase. So it asks a few good questions. What “matter’ does Jacob guard? And why?

The “matter,” says the midrash, is Jacob’s own spiritual journey. It’s clear that Torah sometimes refers to Jacob as shemesh, sun. But, for Jacob, that’s a very personal name. Shared just between him and God, as he struggles to find his own inner light. So, imagine Jacob’s surprise when his secret name shows up in Joseph’s dream! That’s why he decides to guard his secrets more carefully.

For me, this midrash rings true. And thus, I wonder about Jacob’s impulse to guard his inner life. Should he be surprised that his favourite son sees him truly? Does Joseph see his father through eyes of love? Or just with raw spiritual intuition that he can’t yet control? Maybe Jacob doesn’t yet trust Joseph’s immature spirituality.

Or maybe Jacob’s reaction has nothing to do with his son. And everything to do with himself! After all, his struggle with Esau is the crisis that framed his early life. And maybe it is still not resolved. Thus, Jacob does not like to be reminded of it. Least of all by a boy struggling with his feelings. So, Jacob holds his feelings close. Maybe he tries to walls them off from his conscious mind.

And yet. Jacob may not have made the right decision. He sees that Joseph pushes back against overbearing brothers. Just like he, Jacob, did! If he had shared his experience, could he have helped Joseph? Jacob has some hard-won wisdom. Even if remembering the events is painful. Could a glimpse of his polished, shining-like-the-sun soul have helped Joseph?

There’s a lesson here. Maybe for all of us, but especially for me. When I recall fraught relationships, I feel bad. As if everything is my fault. Yet, I have learned so much from the challenges. If I were less afraid to speak about them, could I not help others? And, if I spoke about them, would I not learn that many people face the same problems? Would that not help free me, so that my sun could rise again? And my hidden light shine?

I’m sure it would.

For more reflections on Parshat Vayeshev (Genesis 37:1-40:23), click here.