After God passes the Divine goodness by Moses, Moses dons a veil. From that day on, he unveils his face only when talking with God. (Exodus 24:3-35). So Parshat Ki Tissa, read in synagogues last week, teaches.

Why does Moses wear the veil? Maybe his thoughts and feelings are written all over his face. And, at this point in his career, caught between divine radiance and human frailty, he just does not want to be seen.

Consider three icons depicting Moses, by three Christian artists. Read the story they tell about Moses psychological development. Reflect on the Moses we see in Parshat Ki Tissa.

First icon: Moses, early in his career, hearing a call by the burning bush.

His eyes look forward, with excitement. “What is that??!!” he wonders. The wilderness around him seems open to all good possibilities. When instructed, he takes off his shoes – complying with the Voice. He has no idea where this call may lead him — no idea of the responsibilities he will shoulder. (Icon: Holy Monastery of Saint Catherine in Sinai, Egypt, 12th century)

Second icon: Moses, mid-career, carrying all his burdens.

“Why, oh why,” he moans, “did I look at that bush and accept those tablets??!!” His problems fill his thoughts; his head swells with worry. He ages quickly, hair receding from a furrowed brow. As neither we nor he can read the cryptic message on the tablet, he wonders, what is the point?  Still, he raises his hands in gestures of blessing. Through all his stress, he continues to lead and teach — wishing, perhaps, for a veil to hide his uncertainties. (Icon: Iconostasis of Kizhi monastery, Russia, 18th century)

Third icon: Moses, late in life, reflecting on his career.

His long frizzy beard and flowing robes tell of rich experiences, their shapes hinting at encounters with unusual life forms. Royal robes cushion him. Oasis palm trees frame him. His heart-shaped hand greets us with blessing; he exudes abundance. In contrast, his scroll recalls his early fears: “Who am I to take this on??!!” Having made peace now with his journey, he looks at us full on. His wide eyes ask: Does fear paralyze you, too? Put it aside and move forward! (Icon: Betsy Porter, American iconographer, 21st century)

Where are you, in your development as a seeker, an actor, a person among persons? Can you relate to the Moses who hides behind the veil?

I know I can; and this knowing brings me comfort. Expectant excitement, like that of Moses in the first icon, no longer buoys me. Instead, like Moses of the second icon, I press on, teaching and leading with a worry-filled heart. And I hope not to be seen too closely, lest I be invited to speak freely of my burdens. But now I know I may one day look out through the eyes of Moses of the third icon. “Ha!” I will admonish my former middle-aged self, “Did you really wish to quit back then? Good think you put the wish aside and moved forwards!”

Thank you to members of Or Shalom Synagogue, and to students in Vancouver School of Theology‘s Integrating Seminar in Indigenous and Inter-religious Studies for exploring these icons and midrashim together in interfaith discussion.