Rabbinic scandals, anyone? Voyeurism, clannishness, sexual harassment, court battles over defamation. We’re shocked – not just because we expect better. But because we are used to clergy being better.

Daily, I read about politicians, pundits, and celebrities. Reviewed for tax evasion. Spouting profanity at public events. Using public funds for personal luxuries. Inventing negative stories about competitors. Spewing hateful speech. No surprises here. From them, unfortunately, I expect it.

But from rabbis, I do not expect it. No one does. And learning to meet expectations can be one of a rabbi’s hardest challenges.

About a decade ago, Rabbi and psychologist Jack H. Bloom published The Rabbi as Symbolic Exemplar. Typical congregation members, writes Bloom, expect their rabbi to live up to high moral and spiritual standards. The rabbi’s religious observance should be ideal. So should the rabbi’s family life. And the rabbi’s ability to endlessly increase the circle of people she or he cares for.

Living up to these expectations, says Bloom, may well be at odds with a rabbi’s inner experience, personal life, or physical energy level. But it can take a long time for a congregation to notice. Often they treat the rabbi as a symbol. They experience the rabbi’s personality as a particular embodiment of the symbol. For a rabbi, congregational life — surrounded by people who don’t truly “see” you — can be lonely.

Bloom offers his insights into navigating this loneliness. But here I depart from his thoughts and offer mine. When one’s job requires a show of caring, it is helpful to have a congruent inner experience. Helpful, but not always easy, given the loneliness Bloom describes. How does a rabbi deal with that inside while outwardly projecting only God’s loving face?

Spiritual practice is essential. …Continue Reading at Rabbis Without Borders