Netzach: Enduring, Lasting. Tiferet: Beauty. Netzach she’b’Tiferet: Lasting beauty.

Wanting beautiful things to last forever. Isn’t that a kind of attachment? One best met with non-attachment practice?

But where do I begin? Maybe with last night’s dream.

We discover harmful bacteria in our pond. Then, I notice blue ink stains all over my white dress. And bits of paper stuck to my face. I pull them off, leaving my face swollen and bruised. One friend says another stopped using her husband’s last name. Suddenly, I’m travelling on a train with no windows. When I get out, I’m in Charlotte, North Carolina.

This dream takes me on a tour of little luxuries I take for granted. Safe drinking water. Clean clothes. Health care. Intact family. A familiar place to live. And then the dream takes each one away.

So, it makes me ask myself, “What if you lost these, Laura? Could you adapt, as so many have had to? How attached are you?”

But the dream also shows my existential attachments. I want to write without being stained by controversy. Show a good face to the world. Know where I’m going in life.

So, I ask myself, “Could you give up any of these attachments, Laura? What if you weren’t so cautious? So concerned about reputation? So risk-averse? Could you do more to help others?”

At some point, these attachments helped steer me in a good direction. But the world changes. My life changes. So my standards of social and moral beauty could change, too.

Today is day 18 of the Omer, that is, two weeks and four days.

New to counting the Omer? Here’s a primer.