A few words about my life as a woman rabbi. Specifically prepared for a multi-faith event called “Women in Spiritual and Religious Life.”
A Woman’s Role: Mixed Messages
My parents of blessed memory were pretty serious about their children’s religious education. They raised us to be what we jokingly call “Conservadox.” That’s a mashup of traditional Orthodox Judaism and middle-of-the road Conservative Judaism.
So, I grew up with two different messages about women’s role in Judaism. The Orthodox synagogue that we attended took a very binary approach to gender. So, women and men sat in separate sections. Men led all the prayers, did all the scripture readings, gave all the sermons. Children’s study groups were boys only or girls only. Boys celebrated their learning with a bar mitzvah ceremony when they were 13. But there was nothing comparable for girls.
But, in the Conservative Jewish day school that my parents insisted I go through grade 9, things were different. Children learned and prayed together equally. And we were encouraged to question everything.
So I questioned a lot of things, like why people recited prayers they didn’t live into. But I didn’t really question anything about gender. Somehow, I just internalized what I saw, mixed messages and all.
Why I became a woman rabbi
At home, I learned about the role of an Orthodox Jewish woman. Her job was to create an environment where her family could do traditional Jewish spiritual practices. So, I learned by practicing along with my mother. And I loved everything I learned. How to organize a kosher kitchen. Prepare the ritual foods for the Passover Seder meal. Light Shabbat candles and bring the household into our day of rest. Donate time and money to organizations that help others.
When I was a teen, my father and I started a project of visiting different synagogues on Shabbat morning. We were both intellectual, and we liked to analyze the sermon. Once we heard a sermon railing against the ordination of women. The rabbi thought it would mean the collapse of all respect for Jewish tradition and maybe even the collapse of human civilization itself. At that moment, my father whispered in my ear, “I think you should go to seminary.” That was his analysis!
Women in Judaism: A Slow Evolution
You probably know that Judaism is a very old tradition, at least 3,000 years old. Our ancestral stories from the Bible describe women leaders who are prophets, musicians, warriors, politicians, and intellectuals. The Talmud, our great anthology of law and lore compiled around 500 CE, names women sages who are exceptional scholars and spiritual teachers. The Zohar, our big book of Jewish mysticism from the year 1200, says the whole point of spiritual practice is to connect with Shekhinah, the Divine Mother, and feminine face of God.
And yet: the first woman rabbi was not ordained until 1935. Her name was Regina Jonas. She was ordained in Germany. Rabbi Jonas was murdered in Auschwitz in 1944. Because of the disruptions of the holocaust, our communities regrouped slowly. The next woman rabbi was ordained thirty-seven years later in the United States.
Why have we moved so slowly? I think our tradition holds gender-inclusive spiritual ideals. But those ideals do not fit well into patriarchal social structures. So—as I noticed when I was a child—there is always a tension between our ideals and our realities.
In my own work as a rabbi, I live with those tensions. For example, in liberal Jewish contexts, I do everything a rabbi does. But in Orthodox contexts, I politely respect traditional guidelines. In all contexts, I try to be aware of a spectrum of gender identity. But at the same time, I place myself in a female lineage. As a teacher and a pastoral caregiver, I try to be a spiritual mother like my own mother. Thus, I try to create an environment both structured and flexible, where I help each person walk their own spiritual path.
Thanks to the Multi-Faith Action Society for organizing this event. Read more about the event here!
