Gevurah, judgment. Yesod, foundation. Gevurah she’b’yesod. Good judgment is part of a good foundation.
Ideally, says Aristotle, good judgment is also a habit. You learned it, gradually. First, your elders decided for you. Then, they gave you advice. Caught you when you fell. And finally, your good habits were in place. At age 40.
Well, I’ve been over 40 for two decades now. By 40, I had some good habits of judgment. But now, at 60, I’m finally starting to trust them.
Around procrastination, for example. Sometimes, when there’s a work task on my desk, I avoid it. Why? I’m pretty sure I’m not lazy.
Usually it turns out I’m not ready. My subconscious mind hasn’t yet done its work. It hasn’t organized or integrated the information yet. So, if I tried to work, I’d just be “spinning my wheels,” so to speak.
However, my subconscious is not explaining this clearly to me. Instead, it’s just not pushing up any creative energy. So I look at the project and, well, I just feel tired. A little lethargic. And then, a little guilty.
Unless I remember: you’ve been here before, Laura. Your creative process has its own time and its own wisdom. Trust your judgment.
Sometimes I avoid a task because no one really needs me to do it. An interpersonal task, for example. Especially one that puts me in the middle between two people. I’ll avoid it, then dread it, because I know it will feel bad. And then I’ll quietly call myself a coward.
But somehow, if I do nothing, magic happens. People talk to each other directly. Or, their strong feelings fade and they move on. Because the thing wasn’t really so important to them, anyway.
And so, it turns out, that’s why I avoided the task. My subconscious mind knew my meddling wasn’t helpful. It directed the process. But, again, it forgot to explain what it was doing. So I felt myself a failure.
Even though by now I should know: trust your judgment.
Today is day 37 of the Omer, i.e., five weeks and two days.
New to counting the Omer? Here’s a primer.