Ishmael and Isaac. One verse captures their relationship. It’s the last verse in Parshat Toldot. “Esau went to Ishmael and married Ishmael’s daughter Machalat” (Gen. 28:9).
When did Ishmael and Isaac Become Enemies?
Abraham’s oldest children are Ishmael son of Hagar and Isaac son of Sarah. In the first century, Christian writer Paul used these mothers as symbols. Hagar, the slave, represented Jews stuck with the old covenant of the Law. Sarah represented the spiritually free, gentile Christ-followers. And whose children carry on the spiritual lineage? Sarah’s of course (Galatians 4:21-31).
But early rabbinic writers said, “No. That’s backwards. In fact Ishmael represents Christianity. Ishmael engages in idolatry, mocks Isaac, and tries to steal Isaac’s inheritance” (Tosefta Sotah, 6:3). And Jewish readers began to see Ishmael himself as a villain.
And then, five centuries later, Muslims claimed Ishmael as a spiritual ancestor. So all the anti-Christian polemics got repointed towards Muslims. But this is an inflammatory reading. It throws fuel on the fire of political conflict between mostly Jewish Israelis and mostly Muslim Palestinians.
Friendship between Ishmael and Isaac
So, it’s a good time to remember that the original story speaks of two brothers who become close adult sibling friends. These brothers see each other with eyes of love. Over the years, they live out the best of adult sibling friendship, as experts define it. They make time to enjoy each other’s company—that is, they visit together. They give each other permission to change—they stay close throughout their long lives. And they are mindful of how their parents affect their dynamic. So, they support each other after they break with their father.
Hagar’s Place: Well of the Living One Who Sees Me
Isaac and Ishmael’s friendship winds around a particular place: Be’er Lahai Ro’i, “Well of the Living One Who Sees Me.”
Ishmael’s mother Hagar is a slave in the household of Sarai and Abram. Sarai arranges for Hagar to carry Abram’s child. But once Hagar is pregnant, she looks down on Sarai. So, Sarai treats Hagar cruelly.
Hagar runs away. But a divine messenger seeks her out and convinces her to return home. “Your offspring will be too numerous to count!” the messenger says. “And the child you are carrying is a boy. Name him Ishmael, because God heeds (shama) your suffering. He will be like a wild donkey, his hand in all, and all hands in him. And he will dwell among all his brothers” (Gen. 16:10-12). And Hagar is comforted. Why? Because she knows something about donkeys most modern commentators don’t know. A wild donkey lives in a herd. So, Ishmael will not be an outcast. Eventually Ishmael will find his family.
So Hagar says, “You are El Ro’i, a god who sees me!” And that’s why—says the narrator—the place is now called Be’er Lahai Ro’i, “Well of the Living One Who Sees Me” (Gen. 16:13-15).
Ishmael’s Place: At the Well Again
Some years later, Isaac is born to Sarai, now called Sarah, and Abraham. Sarah sees Ishmael mitzachek. What does she see? In different contexts, the word mitzachek can mean playing, mocking, flirting, molesting, or attacking. Here, it has one more possible meaning—though most commentators miss it. Mitzachek can mean “making him become Yitzchak, that is Isaac, that is, himself.” So, which of these things is Ishmael doing? We readers do not know. And who is Ishmael with? We readers do not know that either.
All we know is that Sarah gets agitated. She orders Abraham to send Hagar and Ishmael away. So, with a heavy heart, and a prayerful talk with God, Abraham obeys. He equips Hagar and Ishmael with only a loaf of bread and a pouch of water.
When the water runs out, Hagar loses hope and cries. But then she hears the voice of a divine messenger. She opens her eyes and sees a well. Then, she refills the pouch and gives her son a drink.
Where is this well? The text doesn’t tell us, but we readers know. It is Be’er Lahai Ro’i.
Isaac’s Turn to be Seen
Some years later, Abraham hears an odd call from God, to present his son Isaac as a burnt offering. So Abraham travels to Mount Moriah. There he binds Isaac, places him on the altar, and raises the knife. But suddenly, Abraham hears a divine messenger call. “Do not stretch your hand towards the boy! Do not do anything to him!” (Gen. 22:1-13)
Abraham lifts up his eyes and sees a ram. Instead of Isaac, he offers the ram. And he names the place YHWH Yireh, “God sees” (Gen. 22:14)
Clearly, the brothers’ fates are connected. Their father does not really see them. He treats them as tools on his spiritual journey—a journey he doesn’t fully understand. And he puts both their lives at risk. Neither man sees their father again. But God sees them, and they see each other. Together, they work to create a better family.
Isaac and Ishmael: Now Together at the Well
When we next see Isaac, he is living in the Negev. And he is just back from a visit to Beer Lahi Ro’i. Just in time to fall in love at first sight with his future wife Rebekah. Where else but Be’er Lahi Ro’i do you learn to see someone so deeply so quickly? Then, after Abraham dies, Isaac moves permanently to Be’er Lahai Ro’i. And when Isaac and Rebekah’s son Esau wants to please his parents, he marries Ishmael’s daughter Makhalat.
As I put it in my own prayer for peace, “Brothers Ishmael and Isaac remained close friends throughout their lives. If they are the ancestors of Muslims and Jews, let us remember that they planted love within us.”
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Originally presented as “Ishmael and Isaac: Sibling Friends and Parents of Peace” at the Religious Reflections on Friendship Seminar, American Academy of Religion, November 24, 2024.
